It has been awhile since I last posted a devotional and for that, I want to apologize. I thought I would have more down time to write while I was home in Kentucky, but I didn’t. I went home for a month to spend time with my family and I had a wonderful time. I hope those of you who follow my blog will forgive me for taking a hiatus.
While I was home, I really slacked on my workouts since there wasn’t a boxing club in the area. I did a few in home workouts, but I didn’t keep up with it like I should have. I also didn’t eat as healthy as I would have liked, causing me to feel like I have put on a few extra pounds. At first, it bothered me that I wasn’t near a boxing club and that I wasn’t eating as healthy as I normally do back in Texas. I really started to get down on myself and would freak out over what I saw in the mirror.
I have always struggled with my body weight and the way I see myself. When I was in middle school, I began to be so fixed on being stick thin to fit in that I would starve myself. I had it made up in my mind that I wouldn’t be pretty if I wasn’t 110 pounds or less. I wanted so badly for guys to like the way I looked and for girls to find me pretty. I didn’t want to be known as the “fat kid” or the “ugly girl.”
By the time I reached college, I had been struggling with this problem for six years. When I moved off for college, my fixation on being stick thin only got worse due to always having to eat out on campus for lunch and dinner. I was putting on weight and filling in to my womanly shape at the same time, making me hate myself. I was so fixed on the numbers that were on the scale staring back at me, that I lost sight on what really mattered.
Psalm 139:14 says, “I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.”
This scripture tells us that we are to praise God for the way that He created us. You see, God is the One who created us in His image. God is the One who decided to make us to be stick thin, thick, or curvy. When God created us, He made no mistakes. We are all beautiful creations made by God Himself.
We are to praise God for our curves. We are to praise God for our thin figures. We are to praise God for all that we are. We are to love ourselves no matter what the scale says.
As women, we always seem to be in competition with each other it seems like. We seem to always have pressure on us to look a certain way at all times and to dress a certain way to be considered pretty or sexy. We tend to compare ourselves to those around us way too much. Whether we like to admit it or not, most of us compete with one another to look better, to be thinner, to be curvier, to dress cuter, or to have more stylish hair. I’m not saying all women do that, but most of us do or have at one point in our lives. We like to feel and be told we’re beautiful.
Ephesians 5:29 says, “For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:”
This scripture is very clear on teaching us to love ourselves for who we are, no matter what our weight is. It teaches us to care for our bodies in a healthy way, not to neglect them. We are to love ourselves so much that we become content with what the Lord has given us. We are to care for ourselves so much that we make it a point to be strong and healthy so that we can enjoy our lives.
I’ve learned to love myself and my body for what it is. I won’t ever be a stick thin woman again and I’ve come to be okay with that. Has it been easy to appreciate my curves and my thick thighs? Not in the least bit. But, I will say, I have come to realize just how strong my body is and just how amazingly God created it to be through my fitness journey. Yes, my fitness journey hasn’t been 100% consistent, but it has taught me that my body can take so much more pain than I ever realized. It has taught me that I can keep going, even when I feel like I need to stop. It has taught me to love my body for what it is and appreciate what it can do. But most importantly, it has taught me to not compare myself to the girl on the boxing bag next to me. My fitness journey is exactly that, it is MINE. Your fitness journey is YOURS and no one can take that from you.
I guess this is more of my testimony than a devotion today, but I felt led to share it with each of you. I see so many wives and young women trying to diet, taking weight loss pills and shakes, working out, measuring themselves, and weighing themselves daily. Some of these women are doing it for the right reasons, but others are doing it because they want to love themselves and be thin to feel pretty and that makes me sad because I’ve been there.
God worked on my heart and mind for years for me to get to the place that I am at today. It takes time to let go of the pain and to replace your discontent with either healthy motivation to change or to just be content with being 170 pounds. I used to starve myself to be thin, but now I eat to nourish my body. I used to workout twice a day for hours at a time, just to get skinny, only to find myself passed out and hurt at the gym before I knew I needed to stop with the fascination I had with being 110 pounds again.
Appreciate your body for what it can do. Love yourself for who you are on the inside and let that beauty shine on the outside. Focus on yourself and take baby steps if you need to, but continue to move towards a healthier, happier you. Step off the scale and stop obsessing over the numbers and focus on how your clothes are fitting you and how your body is feeling. Learn to appreciate the curves and the cellulite that you see staring back at you in the mirror. Learn to see yourself the way that God sees you.
I may have went back to Kentucky for a month and lost some of my progress, but I am still beautiful and I am still strong. If you are feeling down today about your weight or wishing you could change something about your appearance, go stand in the mirror and claim victory over those thoughts and feelings. Tell yourself that you are beautiful and you are more than just a number on a scale.