The Taste of Unkind Words

Growing up in the public school system, I had my fair share of mean girls to have to deal with. Those girls were cruel and had ugly personalities. They made sure to make my life especially miserable when I was in high school. What those girls did to me growing up is something I don’t think I’ll ever forget.

Naturally, I was so excited to get out of high school and out into the real world. I thought that young ladies and older women would be nicer for some reason. I’m laughing as I type this out because reality gave me a good slap to the face. I don’t know what it is about us ladies, but we can be awful to one another for no good reason.

So when my husband decided to join the Army, I started worrying about how I was going to have to put myself out there and make some friends to have a good support system while my husband was away and I was away from family. I can honestly say I wasn’t thrilled about the idea because I’ve never had much luck with girlfriends. I began to think about all the drama I had been through previously and I instantly decided I was going to be a hermit crab. Deep down I knew I couldn’t just stay holed up all day in my house, but on the surface I had convinced myself that I would be okay living my life that way.

When we moved to Fort Hood, I decided to join some Facebook groups for spouses and wives who lived on or around this post for support and information. Little did I know that for the most part, that wasn’t what I was going to be getting from the majority of the women within these groups. Instead of receiving encouragement or answers answered with kindness, I received lots of demeaning comments about how I should basically already know all this stuff and that I’m stupid. What a nice way to be welcomed to Fort Hood, right?

I decided I would stay to myself from then on out. I kept seeing women post questions within the Facebook groups and the majority of the time, those women would get degraded and disrespected for no good reason. It was honestly appalling to me how these grown women were acting. I seriously couldn’t believe grown adults were acting so childish, but it really shouldn’t have surprised me any. I felt like I was back in high school all over again and I wasn’t okay with that.

Why are we so hard on each other, ladies? I just don’t get it. I think a lot of it has to do with being in control or having some type of power over the other individual. I also believe it has to do with jealousy, being petty, and just having a bad personality. How sad is that?

God didn’t create us as women to be vicious and cruel to one another. He created us as women to be loving, kind, and nurturing towards one another. God created us to reflect His love to everyone we come in contact with. We were created as women to empower one another, uplift one another with our kindness, and serve others with our generosity.

As women of God, we should always be reflecting Him. We should be loving everyone the way God loves us.

Ephesians 4:32 says, “And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.”

That’s a hard scripture to have to live up to on some days. We all have bad days and we all have people we run into that we may not like, but it doesn’t give us a right to be awful towards that individual. We should speak our words with God’s kindness. We should care for others the way that God cares for us. We should be truthful like Jesus was, but speak the truth sprinkled with love.

Ephesians 4:32 tells us that we must be like our Savior was and still is today. This scripture teaches us that we must be kind to one another, even if someone has done you or your family wrong. This scripture teaches us to have warm, tender hearts towards everyone. This scripture teaches us to be forgiving of all things, no matter how badly the hurt committed was.

There is nowhere in the Bible that calls us to be cold hearted towards others. There is nowhere in the Bible that call us to be mean spirited women just because someone did us wrong. Our Savior wasn’t that way and since He is our example, we are called to be like Him.

Don’t get me wrong, it is hard to be like that at all times. Trust me, I have had my fair share of messing up and chewing someone out just because they ticked me off. We’re gonna have moments where we get angry and tell someone a piece of our mind in an unloving way. The important thing to remember is that we have to fix the mess our words leave behind and learn from our actions. If we are mean spirited, God’s spirit isn’t going to be in us.

John 13:34-35 says, “A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another.” “By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.”

These were Jesus’ words that He spoke to the disciples. These words of our Savior’s still hold true today. We are to love one another the way Jesus loves each of us. Jesus loves us so much that it almost seems humanly impossible to love like He does, but according to this commandment, it isn’t impossible. It may be hard to show love or kindness to a lady who has hit on your husband, has betrayed your friendship in someway, or has said horrible things to you for no reason, but yet Jesus’ commandment to us still holds true.

Jesus not only commands us to love each other, but he also commands us to love our enemies. Say what?! Yep, you read that right.

Our enemies are definitely people we don’t like very much, but yet we are still supposed to love them. Now this can be hard to do. I’ve been there and I still struggle with this command from Jesus. But you see, Jesus would never call us to do something He knew we couldn’t do. Sometimes Jesus calls us to do hard things and the only answer I can think of as to why, is because He wants us to grow stronger in our walks with Him.

Matthew 5:44 says, “But I say unto you, Love you enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;”

Oh boy, this scripture really smacks you in the face and makes you look into your heart to see if you are really loving everyone or not. I’ll be honest, I’ve always struggled with this scripture because I can hold onto things for a long time. I guess you could say I have a hard time letting go of things. Even though I have a hard time letting go of things, Jesus still commands me to love my enemies. Jesus calls us all to love our enemies and be good to those that hate us. It takes a really good person, with Jesus truly in them to follow this scripture fully.

I remember when certain people within the church really hurt me and I easily began to let hate into my heart. That hate ate at me and dragged me down spiritually because as a child of God, I can’t have hate in my heart. I eventually had to let the hurt go and give it over to God the best I knew how to do. Don’t misunderstand me though, I still remember what these individuals did to me and it still stings from time to time, but I harbor no hate towards them. It took real time for those wounds to heal, but the scar still remains and it always will.

I learned from that experience that anyone can hurt you. But I also learned that as a christian, I have to forgive, let it go, and not dwell on it. That is hard to do when you feel justified in your heartache or anger. But you see, God can and will take all of that pain and anger from within us and turn it into something beautiful.

Our ugliness within ourselves can be transformed into beauty for God’s work.

As military wives, we are pressured and encouraged to make friends. We need to have good friends in our lives to help us get through the deployments, all the field training, the stresses that come with this life, and the loneliness. Don’t be so quick to decide to become a recluse or to judge others a bit different from you. Take the opportunity to put yourself out there so others can see God’s light and love shining through you. When a new MILSO comes to you for advice or encouragement, be slow to speak and quick to listen. We all need people, whether we want to admit that truth or not. We as God’s children have an opportunity to really show others true love and true friendship, but we have to be wise with our words and kind with our actions.

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