Learning to Be Alone

When my husband joined the Army it was really hard on me at first. I had never been alone in my entire 22 years of existence until the day came for my husband to board a bus and head to basic training. The moment my husband boarded the bus and we stole a last kiss from each other, I knew I had no other choice but to be okay with being alone.

It didn’t hit me until I got back to our apartment and I realized I couldn’t text him to see if he was okay or to tell him I was scared. The apartment may have only been 500 square feet, but in that moment it felt like it was its own little planet and I was the only human being on it. I remember thinking to myself how quiet and still everything was in our little home. It was a home emptied of laughter, of happiness, and of human interaction. It was depressing.

I’d never lived on my own until my husband left for the Army. I never thought I could do it on my own, but I quickly surprised myself of the strength that was within me. When we are placed in situations that are out of our control, we either choose to keep going or we choose to give up. I chose to keep going no matter how scared I felt at night or how depressed and alone I felt. I chose to take the time away from my husband to work on myself. This alone time was going to be for me and only me.

I quickly realized I had to get involved in something. I stumbled across a boxing club back in Oklahoma that I quickly fell in love with. It was the hardest physical thing I’ve ever done, but it was also the most empowering thing I had ever done for myself. It hurt like crazy, but I pushed through the pain and even enjoyed the burning in my entire body because it helped me to feel alive. When my hands were wrapped up and the gloves went on, that was my time to release all my anger, my frustrations, my struggles, and my depression on those bags and it felt good. I began to slowly chisel away all my fears, my insecurities, and the issues within myself. Being alone helped me to find myself, my purpose in this life, and to be happy with who I am.

Boxing saved me from drowning in my own insecurities and negative body image issues, but God gave me the strength to love myself for who I am God is the one who helped me to go to sleep every night in my empty bed. God is the one who helped me to get up every morning and to continue working on bettering myself. God is the one who filled me up with His strength, so that I could be strong for myself.

It was me all by myself and God helping me along the way. God wrapped me in His arms and clothed me in His strength out of love and concern for me. God broke me out of my self pitying shell, to save me from myself. God led me to boxing to give me a chance to see just how strong I really am and can be. God protected me everyday that I lived alone in a big city and here I am, alive and well.

Young military wives, don’t let your fear and your new experiences swallow you up to the point that you stop living life. Get out of the house, do your make-up, wear a cute outfit that gives you confidence, find something to lose yourself in, pray daily, lose yourself in God’s word and most importantly, don’t ever stop depending on God.

We are all blooming daughters for Christ and when hard times hit, that is when the most beautiful petals begin to fully bloom.

Deuteronomy 31:6 says, “Be strong and of a good courage, fear not, nor be afraid of them: for the LORD thy God, he it is that doth go with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee.”

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